I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I do now.
Everyone should be happy with whatever they choose in their lives, don't you think? Life is full of choices. One of them is either you choose to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. Choose one wholeheartedly. Don't regret of whatever you chose because you can't win it all.
When you're a stay at home mom most probably you're gonna miss that fancy dress and stilletos. You're gonna missed a career and you won't get back those years you're missing. On the other hand, when you're a working mom most probably you're gonna missed some milestones of your kids.
But hey, you're a mom! Celebrate it! Don't be the best mom in the world...just be the best mom for your kids. Your kids will truly appreciate it.
Some circumstances make a woman a stay at home mom. When your kids have special needs or in a certain condition, restriction from your spouse (agreed before married), culture, personal consideration you made or simply being a stay at home mom is something you always want to be since you’re a little girl. Some other circumstances also make a woman a working mom. When you need to support the family financially or because working fulfills you.
Whatever you choose you need support from your husband and families. Like what we all know and also said in our other article 'things you shouldn’t say to working mom' both are equally challenging and respectful. So let’s stop being irritating by asking things like:
1. Why you choose to be a stay at home mom?
Why not?! Life is full of choices. Being a stay at home mom is not a bad thing. I even called it a professional mom, quite fancy word. Why some still underestimates stay at home moms? My background story of why I chose to be stay at home mom is quite personal. But when I knew I was pregnant with Z, I made that choice wholeheartedly. Just say that I want to be always be with my son round the clock. :)
2. What do you do at home?
Well what do you think? Since I don't have a helper I do all things mom should do, add in a wife should do plus squeezing my own me time. Oh, don't forget all the house chores too. Even though a stay at home mom has a helper, she still be responsible for all the things matter to her kids and husband. Dad is helping too. So back to the question, I'll answer I make sure that my son and my husband has something to eat, keep my son healthy clean, make sure that we have a clean-dry-neat clothes to wear, keep the house (at least looking) clean and neat, play and read story with my son, teach him abcs and stuff, find a good activity book for my son, get a birthday presents for his friends, keep my son busy with educative activities (well we can’t ignore tv and games though), gather information about parenting and schooling, make time for myself (even if it’s just a quick 5 minutes shower) and socialize with friends. Do I miss anything?
3. What's your activity now?
Do you know that it's a similar question and I thought I answered that. But sure, if you want to know, you can add yoga, zumba, thinking of menu for the week, grocery shopping listing then go shopping, to do listing for the month, calling aircon services (and supervise them), take my son to the gym and pick him up, making sure my husband won't forget some matters, keeping the grandparents updated with the latest grandson thingie, and so on and so forth...
4. So just the two of you at home everyday?! I don't think I could stand it. (looking around at your not so big house)
(I don't need to answer that)
5. Don't you get bored?
Of course I do get bored and STRESSED OUT. It's a long, bumpy and winding road parenting is for me. But I should try my best. When I get bored or stressed out, I'll make sure my husband know. Why? So I won't dieeeeeee.... There's a need to share things about that little monster. If you're a single parent? Please share with your loved ones...parents, caregiver, bestfriend, whoever you think can help. Get other activities outside the house too. I'm sure you're all well aware of stay at home moms who explore their abilities, hobbies and creativities to (at the end) find a way to have additional income by being businesswomen (small scale still counts as a business). Friends I know mostly do some cooking related business (baking or catering), online shop owners (women's clothes mostly), crafting, tailoring or web designer. They have the chance to develop their interests and hobbies and actually earn something from it. Not necessarily about the money, but exploring something new or have a hobby will get you out from that boring situation.
6. Where do you went for college? Don't you think your degree will be wasted?
I went to this posh college/university studying in fancy major and get a degree on it. Nope, it's not wasted. It depends on how you look at it. Yes, I should be doing something related to my degree. But then I chose not to. Years of studying won't be wasted if you know how to use it. I can teach my son abcs, counting, some crafts, manners and religion related matters. Well
you don't need to get any degree on that, just use your common sense and preference. There’s more than just a degree. Getting into college/university means that we have the strive to study hard and manage our time. That’s something else.
7. Have you worked before? Don't you think you're gonna miss working?
Yes. And yes. In fact I started earn my own money since I was 20. And for some reasons finding out that now I'm dependent on my husband sometimes make me in a terrible feeling. So yes, I miss those rush hours, deadlines, fulfillness and independent feeling every now and then.
8. Do you have any plan to get back to work and have a career?
To have a career, no. I realised I'm not that young to find a job and have a career. But to get back to work, yes. Maybe one day. A job that I can do from home or freelance job most probably. Getting back to study something interest me as well. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean to get your brain idle.
I'm a mom, a stay at home mom. I am no different with any other moms. We all love our kids, we're facing challenges everyday and at the end of the day we're gonna take that deep breath to get us ready for tomorrow.
Z likes to ask, ‘are you happy? you have to smile’. However he made my day upside down by the time he sleeps at night I still have this habit, watch him sleeps.